


Personal Ad

by sammysouffle (talesandthings)



Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Crack, Fluff, Foggy Nelson is a riot, Foggy Nelson is also possibly dead, Gen, Humor, Invasion of Privacy, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 04:21:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11524449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesandthings/pseuds/sammysouffle
Summary: While Matt is asleep, he gets a text from Frank. Foggy decides to answer it.





	Personal Ad

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is pure crack. Not meant to be taken seriously at all.

Matt was pretty pooped out after his night out so he fell asleep on Foggy’s lap after Foggy patched up his minor wounds. He had hat hair thanks to his mask and that along with the cute little frown on his lips as he slept made him look even more adorable. Unable to resist himself, Foggy leaned down and pressed a kiss on his forehead. Matt snuffed like a kitten and turned his head, burying it in Foggy’s stomach. Warm puffs of his breath tickled Foggy’s belly. Foggy soon realized that he probably looked like a creepy vampire staring at his sleeping boyfriend so he decided to distract himself. 

He didn’t have his own phone on him and didn’t want to go back to their room to get it so he carefully and very slowly leaned over to pick up Matt’s phone from the coffee table. He smiled at the lock screen pic, which was basically just the two of them on one of their impromptu ice cream dates, out by the ocean. Foggy was wearing a flower crown that day which, dare he say, made his already fabulous hair even more fabulous. Matt placed a sticky kiss on Foggy’s cheek right as Foggy clicked the pic. Foggy had his eyes closed but he was genuinely laughing. He didn’t like it very much but when he described it to Matt, Matt insisted that Foggy make that his new lock screen.

Just Foggy was about to put the phone away, he heard a text alert.

“Who’s that?” Matt whined, his voice muffled against Foggy’s tummy.

“It’s a text from Castle,” Foggy replied. “Should I answer it?”

“Yeah, whatever,” Matt sleepily mumbled.

Siri’s loud voice rang through the whole apartment, as soon as Foggy’s thumb hovered over the text. “Shit!” He hissed and quickly turned off the accessibility feature. “Sorry,” he apologized when he heard his boyfriend whine again. Foggy gently ran his fingers through Matt’s messy hair to help him fall asleep again.

 _-Do you have any villains I can kill?-_ Read Castle’s message.

Foggy gawked at the message for a whole good minute before replying - _Excuse me?_ -

A few minutes went by before Foggy got another text. - _I ran out of people to kill. Do you have any that need killing?_ -

Foggy wasn’t sure if he should laugh or be horrified by Castle's nonchalance. The guy talked about running out of people to kill the same way Foggy talked about running out of Pop Tarts.- _Uh, you do know who you’re talking to, right?_ -

After a few seconds, Foggy gets another reply. - _Course, I do, Altar Boy. Since you won’t kill yours. Figured, I’d do you a solid._ - Almost immediately after that, Foggy got another message. -;)-

Winky face. The Punisher sent Foggy’s boyfriend a motherfucking _winky face._

Was he flirting with Matt? Oh, it’s on, Castle. - _No, don’t kill my villains!_ \- That sounded like something Matt would say, right? Yep, that totally sounded like something Matt would say. Almost immediately Foggy added - _Leave my villains alone. I actually like them. Go find your own! >:(  _-

A few minutes went by and Foggy figured he must have scared Castle away but then he got another text. - _How do you figure I do that?_ -

“Hmmmm….” Foggy hummed to himself and thought of a good reply.

“Foggy?”

Foggy heard Matt’s voice and looked down to find his boyfriend looking up at him, with his eyes slightly unfocused and heavy with sleep. His hair was even more disheveled now. “Yeah, baby?” He asked as he straightened up Matt’s unruly hair.

“What did Castle say?” Matt asked in a raspy voice.

“Oh, Castle- he- uh-” Foggy tried to come up with a lie. “-he wanted to borrow your rooftop. Wanted to know if it was okay.”

“My rooftop?” Matt questioned with an adorable and confused frown on his face. A loud yawn escaped his lips and his head plopped down on Foggy’s lap again.

“Yeah, babe, he wanted to borrow your roof for a stakeout. I said no.”

“Oh okay,” Matt yawned once again and soon his soft snores filled Foggy’s ears.

Foggy looked down at Matt’s phone again to see he had another text from Castle which read, - _Well?_ -

He smirked to himself as the perfect response finally came to him. - _Maybe put out a personal ad? Have it read: Tough Man Looking for Men to Punish_ -

Foggy was practically vibrating with joy after sending the text. He bit down on his fist to keep himself from laughing out loud and waking Matt up. Foggy got a reply another minute later and this one almost killed him. - _That’s not a bad idea. Maybe I should do that. Thanks, Red_ - A few seconds later, Castle sent another text that read. - _Where should I post it?_ -

Karen was probably going to kill him for this but oh well.- _Send it to Karen. She’ll run it in The Bulletin for you_ -

- _Not bad, Red. Never thought you’d come through for me_.- Replied Castle.

Foggy buried his head into the back of the sofa and closed his eyes. His face was starting to feel all hot because of how hard he was trying to control his laughter. When he managed to compose himself, he sent Castle a reply. - _Anytime, man. And since I’m such a good friend, here’s another tip. Maybe have Karen write, “Free of charge. Very Discreet. Completion guaranteed.” That will definitely get them to reply._ -

There was another long pause and Foggy thought the guy had finally caught on. He started running his fingers through Matt’s hair again who again snuffed like a kitten and smiled in his sleep. Foggy opened the camera app and leaned over to take a quick selfie of the two of them.

Just as he finished, he got another text. - _Okay, I’ll do that. You got any other ideas, Red?_ -

Oh shit. The guy was either too gullible or he was just fucking with Foggy now. Both of those ideas were equally amusing. 

- _Yeah, how would they know you’re a big and tough guy, Frank? You need to give them proof. Or they’ll think you’re some skinny ass guy like Pre-Serum Rogers, trying to play tough._ -

- _Who’s Rogers?_ -

Foggy balked at the text. Was this guy for real? He almost stabbed his thumbs against the phone as he wrote, - _WHO’S ROGERS? Who’s Rogers???! You’re lucky I’m busy right now, Frank or I would come down there and kick your ass myself._ -

A few more seconds passed before Foggy got another reply. - _Calm down, fanboy. I know who he is. I was just messing with you. But I don’t agree with that guy’s ideas_.-

- _And what ideas are those? The one where he knows not to kill, unlike a certain someone._ -

Foggy tries hard not to throw Matt's phone against the wall when he reads Castle’s next reply. -I _t’s cute you think he’s never killed. He was a soldier, Red._ -

Oh, this asshole was going down. First, for tarnishing the good name of Cap and second, for calling Foggy’s boyfriend ‘cute.’ - _Haha. Whatever you say, man. Just send all of that stuff to Karen ASAP. She should be able to run it in tomorrow’s edition._ -

- _Okay, I’ll send her the stuff. Would a shirtless picture help?_ \- Castle asked. He didn’t wait for a reply before sending an actual _shirtless picture_ of himself. To Matt. Well, Foggy, but still he thought it was Matt. Foggy hated to admit it but the guy had a nice body. And he was flexing in front of the mirror for fuck’s sake. 

At this point, Foggy wasn’t sure if Castle knew it was Foggy and was just messing with him or he was indeed flirting with Matt. Why would he send Matt a shirtless pic of himself, anyway? Did he just assume Matt’s screen reader would describe the shirtless body in graphic detail to him?

Foggy gave the picture another appreciative look before deleting it. The screen reader was _never_ going to describe _that_ to Matt. 

But they hang out with each other all the time. Castle could just describe it to him in person. Some traitorous part of his brain decided to point out.

Foggy was seething with anger. He didn’t even bother sending Castle another reply. Instead, he deleted all the messages and looked at his peacefully asleep boyfriend. Foggy wholeheartedly trusted him but he didn’t trust Castle. Foggy almost had the urge to climb into Matt’s lap, hug him and growl “Mine!”

A few minutes later, while Foggy was acting like the creepy stalker vampire again, he turned Matt’s phone to find another text. Much to his relief, it was Karen.

- _Uh, why did I just get this text from Frank?_ \- Read her message. A second later, Foggy got another message. This time it was a screenshot with Castle’s shirtless pic and another text that read “ _Murdock suggested I send this to you. Can you put it in the personal ad tomorrow?_ ” Below that, there was a third message that read, “ _Tough Man, Looking for Men to Punish. Free of charge. Very discreet. Completion guaranteed._ ”

Foggy couldn’t control himself this time and he finally burst out laughing, which immediately woke Matt up.

“What’s wrong?” He asked in a groggy, annoyed voice.

“Oh, sorry, baby,” Foggy said in between his laughs. “Karen just sent me something funny. Hold on. I need to go call her.”

“Nooo… stay,” Matt whined. “You’re so warm and soft.” He complained, burying his face in Foggy’s stomach again.

Foggy chuckled and kissed the top of his head. “I promise I’ll be right back and then we can go back to our room and cuddle as much as you like.”

Matt seemed to consider his counter offer before saying, “Fine. But you only have 5 minutes. After that, I’m picking you up and carrying you back to our room.”

“That doesn’t sound like a threat, babe,” Foggy pointed out and kissed the top of Matt’s head again. “That sounds like a dream.”

Foggy hurried to the bathroom and threw the door shut behind him before calling Karen. She picked up on the third ring.

“Matt, I am really confused right now. What the hell is going on?”

“Karen, for the love of everything good and holy, please publish that in the newspaper tomorrow!”

“Foggy?” She asked incredulously and then huffed. “I should have known this was your genius plan.”

“Karen, pleaseeeeee! I will buy you drinks for a whole year!” Foggy pleaded.

“He’s going to kill us both, you know?”

Yep, she was definitely considering the idea.

“And I’ll make sure our graves are right next to each other, I’ll also make sure Green Day sings “Wake Me Up When September Ends” at our funeral, _and_ I’ll make sure that both our graves have a 50-inch flat screen that continuously plays our greatest hits.”

“Well, I’m not so sure about the first one, but the other two sound nice.”

“Hey!” Foggy complained. “Ghost you better not come running to me when she gets all lonely and scared and more importantly has no one to gossip with.”

“Fine, whatever,” Karen huffed. “I’ll do it. But then you, Matt, and I pack our shit and get out of this city.”

“Deal!” Foggy replied excitedly. “You’re kind of the best, Karen Page.”

“Oh, I know. I’m also a little worried that Castle knows exactly what he’s doing.”

“You think?” Foggy balked. “Maybe that’s why he sent Matt a practically nude pic.” He wondered out loud. 

“He did what?” 

“The same pic that he sent you. He sent it to Matt’s phone first,” Foggy chuckled. “Well, little does he know, Matt doesn’t like being on the receiving end of a ‘punishment’.”

“Ew, TMI, dude. I’m hanging up now. Let’s start planning our funerals tomorrow. Bye. Love you.”

“Bye, Kare. Love you, too.”

Foggy opened the bathroom door to find Matt standing there, with his hair sticking out in different directions. He was frowning at Foggy and Foggy knew he was busted.

“Okay, I don’t know what’s going on, but I know you’re up to something,” Matt grumbled. He moved towards Foggy and captured his lips in a quick kiss. “But I honestly don’t care right now cause I was promised cuddles.”

Foggy looked on in confusion as Matt bent his knees and grabbed both of Foggy’s legs and picked him right off the ground on his shoulder. Foggy squeaked and almost dropped Matt’s phone as gravity was taken from under his feet. Matt carried him back to their room and practically threw Foggy on the bed, making the mattress bounce under him. Matt jumped onto the bed a second later and fell asleep right on top of Foggy.

Maybe Foggy was going to die tomorrow but he could at least enjoy tonight. 

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by this: https://68.media.tumblr.com/f00d5d089c1cace8c76e92b6adfb8a05/tumblr_osqdov7Ou21v40ne7o3_1280.png


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